Thursday, April 22, 2010 { 5:08 PM }

30th of september '09



I woke up this morning with this empty feeling. Wanting to go back to sleep, thinking that I could sleep this all away. Which, clearly, I couldn’t.. I’d be willing to do it everyday if i have to, just to get rid of it. Close my eyes and think that everything’s just a nightmare.. IT IS a nightmare. One that I couldn’t wake up of. Weak as i can get, i would try to let it all out. I would cry. But I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. Tears refuse to come out of my eyes. and those tears won’t even do justice the pain you caused me. It still won’t make me feel better.

I intended to lie on my bed the whole day. Thinking that time would just pass and this memory won’t last. Every inch of the room just screams your name. Reminding me that everything’s a lie, and you won’t be coming back. I would shut my eyes so tightly trying to make these thoughts disappear. Though when I do, I would still wish that when I open my eyes. You’d be there. What’s wrong with me…. As i opened my eyes, I just realized. That everything doesn’t make any sense anymore. Flashbacks start to invade my head. and yes. You’d always be there. yeah, well. I HATE IT. So I forced myself into getting out of bed. and doing something i don’t even want to do. Just to get rid of YOU in my system. Don’t worry, i just sat down. It was the best thing i could think of doing. The best thing that won’t even help me forget about you.

I admit. From time to time I waste my life wishing that I could do anything. Just anything to take things back the way they were. Though I know, wishing won’t do anything. It won’t redo the things you’ve said and done.

This thing inside me is just breaking. Falling into the cold, bitter ground. The ground where you should have been. Catching it when it falls.

Don’t even start with me about you being hurt. Because you don’t even know how much pain is beating my heart out. You don’t know how much time I spend everyday helping myself to forget about this freakin’ person who left me. How I would take my first steps to happiness. and find my self back to where i was the next day. going back to where I started, like i never did take a step. Even just a bit. and you say you were hurt.. you might want to know how this feels.

It’s like…. HELL. hellofanamusementpark. yeah. it’s fun.

..NOT.